Sunday 27 March 2016

Christmas Cacophony


I don't care a lot for Christmas,
Never meant too much to me,
Stuff the turkey, sod the presents,
Stick them up your Christmas tree.
Worst of all I can't abide
Hearing every Christmastide
One unpleasant thing -
The Christmas song that no one can sing.

Every year in mid-December
When you think you're having fun,
There's that song you all remember
Never got to Number One.
When it starts it's bright and catchy,
Everyone can sing along,
Then it gets a little patchy,
People start to get it wrong.
Now you've got the melody,
All at once it changes key.
You'll just have to wing
The Christmas song that no one can sing.
(Oh yeah!  Oh no!  Oh yeah!)

You can spend all day rehearsing,
You can play the track all night,
Still you know you'll end up cursing
For you'll never get it right.
You can play with friends and neighbours,
You can practise on your own,
At the end of all your labours
You're still off one semitone.
Though you know the words by heart,
If you haven't learned the part
Chaos you will bring
To the Christmas song that no one can sing.

You will get a detrimental feeling when you hear
Voices trying to be jolly wailing in your ear.
If you find it kind of scary,
Blame it on Mariah Carey -
She can sing in different keys,
But otherwise keep quiet please!

I would give a million dollars
Not to hear that same refrain,
Everybody simply hollers,
Don't they know they're causing pain?
If you care for music more,
Here's advice you won't ignore:
End the suffering
From the Christmas song that no one can sing.  (Oh yeah!)
The Christmas song that no one can sing.  (Oh no!)
The Christmas song that no one can ... sing.


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